The level of self-confidence I have in myself is like driving through life with the handbrake on. As a teenager it is almost an unspoken rule that having confidence is unusual. If you have too much you come across as self-obsessed and if you do not have any then you are an attention seeker. When someone compliments my hair or something that I am wearing that day I just freeze, turn red and stutter out a thank you. Most of the time I do not even accept the compliment; I reflect it back to the person and pray that the topic has long gone.
It is quite embarrassing actually; I could be walking down the hallway and someone just looks at me. I quickly look the other way and stare at the ceiling like it is the Mona Lisa. Why do you have to look at me? Can I not just walk down the hallway in peace without worrying whether or not I have something on my face or if there is toilet paper stuck in my pants?
This may seem bitter but I do not want your compliments. They just make me second guess myself. “I really like your sweater” means that I will probably never wear it again and oh god she actually hates it, I should burn it. “Your hair looks good like that” equals me running to the bathroom to throw it up in a bun and a headband because of course they didn’t mean it. Admire my wonderful t-shirt or my socks from afar.
It is not always the confidence in my looks- it is in the things I like. I play the clarinet- actually I’m kind of good at it and I want people to know that. Of course in this generation playing an instrument is not really the cool thing to do. Kids would much rather smoke weed and listen to Kid Cudi then learn a useful skill such as reading music. When people compare me to the great musician Squidward from Spongebob, I take a step back and question why I even brought it up.
Confidence is not really a big deal to me- I know what I like and what gets me through life. That is why I wrote this on the topic because it is a trivial thing to me. I’m content to breeze through high school without making pointless conversation with people.
I feel as though this was more sarcastic than funny but that is alright.
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